Hello? Mom?

Seriously. This is what sits behind that anonymous MySpace and Facebook message or friend request that comes up for all you ladies out there. Looks like a winner to me. Want his email, pager, cell phone, land line, fax, Skype, AIM, Yahoo, MSN, ICQ and IRC handle to chat with him? You know you do, don't lie.

Drown Monkey, Drown

People generally make me angry with their antics. They are like monkeys in a pool when it comes to their decision making process. You want to just dunk their heads back into the water and hope that nature intervenes and removes them from the gene-pool. You hope their lifeless monkey-body floats to the top only to be picked apart by seagulls, small fish and the sun. Unfortunately this does not happen and what we are left with is this confused monkey in a pool waiting for you to toss it a beach ball or some similar round object so they can frolic and be merry. We need to learn to dunk their heads. This is the only effective way we can mitigate such dangers as beach balls, pool parties and other acts of chaos brought to us by them. Hope is not lost, eventually we, the intelligent ones, will surpass these fools and this will no longer be an issue. Until then, you are stuck with an office, a chair that squeaks and a monkey in a tie asking you why you are late again. Understand, he, like other monkeys, enjoys his water. Just dunk his head.

My new heroes

We need a hero

It's amazing in a society that we live in there hasn't been some total uprising or anarchy on a daily basis. Are we that complacent with our lives? It seems "our leaders" are all historic figures that are either too old or not even alive anymore. We need a hero. Quite frankly if you think the president is some golden boy example, you are fairly foolish. While I respect the president no matter who it is, I do not believe they are truly heroes. A hero is someone who just shows up, takes care of shit, and takes off. You can have your own enemies, but likely they are going to target the hero before you anytime soon. The problem with that ideal situation is that nobody is even remotely motivated to do anything -- anymore. We live in a nice world where we sit behind our monitors, check email and deliver messages to people on an inconsistent basis. It's good times!

Know thy Enemy

In the first post, I went over how to identify the enemy. If you are too stupid to figure out who doesn't like you, this post does not apply.

You'll need to know your enemy; in fact many enemies are previous friends. If you just discovered someone "doesn't like you" for one reason or another, this will be fun and conclude this series of enemies, unless of course, you want to learn more about how to deal with them, just leave some comments.

Knowing the enemy is either. A person who identifies you as their enemy typically means they have contempt for you in one capacity or another and have no trouble making this known to you or by proxy. You should understand people who need to tell you they don't like you by proxy [friends, family, etc.] are just losers with a low self esteem who are too cowardly to confront you. If someone comes up to you in a parking lot, socks you in the gut and kicks you in the head a few times, you have bigger issues. I have found 9/10 that "enemies" just want to let everyone you know they don't like you. These folks would have no problem sitting next to you in a bar, taking a shot with you and talking shit behind your back when you take a pee in the bathroom in between drinks. You should regard these people as fools.

A problem with people who identify you as an enemy may be doing this as a preemptive move because they may have personally wronged you and want to parlay the blame. Keep mental notes on everything that was said, all parties involved, and make sure you have witnesses to such events. If you do not, it becomes a war of words between you and them. Remember: stay calm. The louder, more angry and screaming they get trying to get people to "believe them", just indicates to everyone else they are most likely not stable. Even if you did something wrong first, they won't be able to convey their message of hate about you effectively if they are making people have ear-bleeds with their ramblings. Let them go crazy first.

The worst part about enemies these days are how folks find a need to email, instant message and blog every known issue with their day from taking a shit, to grooming their cat, to some guy who cut them off on the freeway. Don't be alarmed if you see your dirt with them on a website, chances are they have other articles and postings about other people. If you don't see them there, they probably removed them and this vicious cycle probably happen annually with this person. Fear not, if they do this habitually nobody listens anyhow. I can almost guarantee they have a lot of one-liner pat on the backs within their comments section. If it's empty, this means people already gave up on them.

A good response to when they send a social communications message through a friend or such is to respond with "oh, now they have a new enemy, eh?"; and the reason you'd say this is to give the impression they've made a habit of claiming enemies everywhere. It discredits their claim partially. You can also say "I'm the new flavor of the week?", which basically says the same thing. Think of something sarcastic to respond with that down-plays their drama. Once you mutually agree to be enemies, it becomes a pissing war. If they continuously make claim you are their enemy and you do not acknowledge them, they'll eventually just go away, sooner rather than later.

Destoying the Enemy

Credibility can destroy someone. If you are identified as not being "credible", or as such: believable, you will ultimately lose alliances; both friends and family.

The first thing to know about destroying someone is that unless you have good reason to, you should not maintain an aura of anger around you. Calm and collected at all times.

If you find yourself being asked if you are angry, it's not necessarily because you may "look angry", but more or less because they cannot read you. If they ask "why are you angry?", that's because you are being obvious. Never let parties with a vested interest into your personal demons know how you feel. At any given notice these people can switch sides or relay information that can be to your ultimate social destruction.

This rule applies to both school and the work force. A good idea is to maintain two camps of friends. Make friends with some serious introverts, and keep the extroverts close. Don't buddy-up with everyone, but just the identified "key players". Whether you may like them or not, you should always respect they are identified as their personalities and should be treated as so. Study their behaviors, and at best, limit doing anything remotely similar. This way you just blend in with every other face in the crowd. The reason this is good, is because years down the road should you graduate or switch jobs (depending which applies), if you do the something remotely evil from time to time, you are not remembered by that action, but rather people draw a real blank about you other than "the guy who knew some guy, saw him, didn't know him all that well"; however, if you know nobody in any given situation, you fit the MO of a crazed mass murderer, so once again, avoid staying too distant. You always want the chatty person(s) to gossip all the great things about you because they are usually clueless anyhow. You might have nothing nice to say about this person, but don't bother ever telling them. They'll get extremely offended, but then, probably forget anyhow as they are clueless.

How does this relate to destroying an enemy? This is how to create that stigma you are just a normal guy, no problems, no real anything. A blank sheet of paper. Nobody notices the blank sheet in the envelope. Try it out, mail a letter with a sheet with the words "FUCK YOU" in big bold letters on it, and a blank sheet in front or behind it. People pay more attention to the "offending" phrase rather than the other question... "why would someone mail a blank sheet with this?". Quite personally, I'd write "YOU TOO" and mail it back, but that would indulge the enemy into thinking I was pompous. Do nothing, they'll believe they totally offended you. Slash their tires, they won't do it again.

Managing the Enemy

Always remember who you spoke to and what you said. You can manage the collateral damage of something someone claims you say if your story is consistent albeit with minor details changed between people so each party confronted gets the impression [both] have forgotten "main details" and the conversation must have "been similar, but not exactly that".

A lot of pathological liars will consistently tell the same lies over and over, regardless if you were there that date and fairly certain what they say never happened.

You have to manage the chaos. People generally like control, and it's very easy for one to lose it along the way. If you concentrate that each time you speak, own those words; the chances become less likely someone will ultimately control "what was said", but rather ask you for confirmation on what you said.

Be careful to use this tactic for only those you do not trust. If used for every conversation you become unreliable and will be considered so. Remember the impression you leave is the respect you get. Control is very touch and go in the beginning, but once established, needs to be maintained.

Identify the Enemy

The first part to learning about someone is to identify them as a person. People are defined by their friends, family, and most importantly, their interests.

Just because a person has a bunch of average-Joe friends, does not mean you know about their secret obsession with My Little Pony. This is information you must know about your enemy before you can actually understand their attitude and avoidance of certain topics.

Small talk is your friend. Chances are you'll come across topics they want to avoid at all costs. For rape victims, they'll avoid talking about their sex life, or in some cases talk too much about it to show their liberal views; in reality they are likely very conservative. Incidents will determine the ultimate demeanor you will have to deal with, and you have to know all factors.

In the real world, there really is a black and white but people try to avoid this. By telling everyone there is a gray area they miss the absolutes. The Pope doesn't put a special place in his heart for Hitler, and neither should you. It is your goal to observe, detect and identify the absolutes about a person.

Trying to understand what drives a person to their moral high-ground is a tricky process. Through this I hope to present cases and substance to what makes a person tick, and what really sets them off.